Jay A. Kelley
04-24-2009, 04:31 PM
Jim put together a "test" for those of us who arrived to the party early. He wanted to gauge the loyalty of both his customers and his employees...
And as with all things Jannard... It was one hell of a test.. I almost failed...
It started in the main hall as you headed to the convention center. You were flanked by life-sized signs of beautiful women looking at you and trying to lead you away from the RED promised land. If you were strong enough to get past that, then the real test began.
To keep people from knowing his true intentions, Jim called the event the "Las Vegas Lingerie show" featuring every single microscopic piece of female clothing known to man, and the "accessories" that go with them.
I don't know how he got all those people in place, and looking so realistic when I showed up, but it was amazing :rofl:!
Ok so it gets worse.. He's very careful to instruct Steve early on to put up NO SIGNS. Anthony Lenzo, some of his crew and I were wandering around looking for RED and TRYING to avoid the temptation Jim had "planted" through out the building. At one point I looked at Anthony and said "We'll never find this damn thing", Anthony, who's mind was clearly elsewhere said "Who cares?"
So I took a deep breath, and opened one of the doors hoping to find a silver, glass, encased camera, staring back at me.
No such luck.. I opened the wrong door. And was met with no less than 4 models each wearing a different part of the other's outfit.. If you want to call it that. There were bras, panties, and gloves... You do the math.
I shut my eyes, said to myself "there's no place like RED, there's no place like RED" (And may have mentioned under my breath "my wife's gonna kill me" a couple times too). And I proceeded straight ahead.
What I should have done was gone out the way I came in.
It was amazing, Jim's attention to details was out of this world, no wonder he built such an amazing camera! I suspected Jarred was helping until I saw him in there, pale, mouth dropped open, and a puddle of drool at his feet.
I won't say what he was watching, all I will say is that some people are more flexible than others. :yikes:
I asked him "Hey dude, are you lost"?
Jarred (Wiping mouth): "Huh"
Jay: Hello, earth to Jarred!
Jarred: (Never taking his eyes off the show) Oh, hey Jay, what's up
Jay: I said are you lost?
Jarred: (With huge grin on his face): Oh yeah, you betcha. :drool5:
Jay: Ok.. Tonto... I'm outta here.
I could tell Jarred was going to be about as much help as Tits on a bull so I keep up my quest to find my way out of this pit of temptation and prove myself worthy of King Janned and the RED gathering.
One thing was confusing, even though it was just announced, I found numerous "Red Rockets" throughout this place.. However, while some of it's features were VERY easy to see (especially from the demos) I could not see how the items in question could do much in the way of rendering.
10 minutes and 57 boobs later :w00t:, I managed to find my way out of the "room of desire" and into the RED party.
It was an experience I will never forget, but I can now say I am worthy of you all, and of the camera that feeds my living.
This story is based on actual facts. Of course most of it's a damn lie.
The names were not changed to protect the innocent, which means there's a heard of lawyers heading my way.
Jay
And as with all things Jannard... It was one hell of a test.. I almost failed...
It started in the main hall as you headed to the convention center. You were flanked by life-sized signs of beautiful women looking at you and trying to lead you away from the RED promised land. If you were strong enough to get past that, then the real test began.
To keep people from knowing his true intentions, Jim called the event the "Las Vegas Lingerie show" featuring every single microscopic piece of female clothing known to man, and the "accessories" that go with them.
I don't know how he got all those people in place, and looking so realistic when I showed up, but it was amazing :rofl:!
Ok so it gets worse.. He's very careful to instruct Steve early on to put up NO SIGNS. Anthony Lenzo, some of his crew and I were wandering around looking for RED and TRYING to avoid the temptation Jim had "planted" through out the building. At one point I looked at Anthony and said "We'll never find this damn thing", Anthony, who's mind was clearly elsewhere said "Who cares?"
So I took a deep breath, and opened one of the doors hoping to find a silver, glass, encased camera, staring back at me.
No such luck.. I opened the wrong door. And was met with no less than 4 models each wearing a different part of the other's outfit.. If you want to call it that. There were bras, panties, and gloves... You do the math.
I shut my eyes, said to myself "there's no place like RED, there's no place like RED" (And may have mentioned under my breath "my wife's gonna kill me" a couple times too). And I proceeded straight ahead.
What I should have done was gone out the way I came in.
It was amazing, Jim's attention to details was out of this world, no wonder he built such an amazing camera! I suspected Jarred was helping until I saw him in there, pale, mouth dropped open, and a puddle of drool at his feet.
I won't say what he was watching, all I will say is that some people are more flexible than others. :yikes:
I asked him "Hey dude, are you lost"?
Jarred (Wiping mouth): "Huh"
Jay: Hello, earth to Jarred!
Jarred: (Never taking his eyes off the show) Oh, hey Jay, what's up
Jay: I said are you lost?
Jarred: (With huge grin on his face): Oh yeah, you betcha. :drool5:
Jay: Ok.. Tonto... I'm outta here.
I could tell Jarred was going to be about as much help as Tits on a bull so I keep up my quest to find my way out of this pit of temptation and prove myself worthy of King Janned and the RED gathering.
One thing was confusing, even though it was just announced, I found numerous "Red Rockets" throughout this place.. However, while some of it's features were VERY easy to see (especially from the demos) I could not see how the items in question could do much in the way of rendering.
10 minutes and 57 boobs later :w00t:, I managed to find my way out of the "room of desire" and into the RED party.
It was an experience I will never forget, but I can now say I am worthy of you all, and of the camera that feeds my living.
This story is based on actual facts. Of course most of it's a damn lie.
The names were not changed to protect the innocent, which means there's a heard of lawyers heading my way.
Jay