Who says Germans don't have a sense of humor

[CVB]

I saw this about three years ago but it was all in German, now its subtitled in English for your viewing pleasure....

http://funnymoviesite.com/german-forklift-instructional-video/

[chuck colburn]

After watching that all the way thru I come to the conclusion that your one sick bastard Curt. My kinda man.

[Kenn Christenson]

Can someone say "Pythonesque."

[Jeff Kilgroe]

That... was... awesome. Hehe. My kind of training video. :)

[CVB]

One of the companies I used to work for had us trained to operate lifts and tractors... its funny how they managed to capture the "Quality" of a good training video.

[Alex Boothby]

Ha - our engineer KLAUS sent me this last year - very funny.

This one is also good:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6077326441742307086

[Jeff Kilgroe]

My family has been in heavy construction since the '20s and established in Colorado since '62. I grew up around heavy equipment of all types and have been operating tractors, excavators, etc.. since I can remember. There are so many little events (usually involving personal injury) that have happened over the years that I could put together into a film. Some have been done before, some I've never seen reproduced on film/video. A true classic happened about 12 years ago... We had a mining contract at a shale pit and one haul route for three of our smaller haul trucks took them underneath a bridge. There was about 2ft of clearance for the trucks. Well, this one genius we had working for us didn't make sure his dump box was all the way down before proceeding down the road, toward the bridge to grab his next load. He hit the bridge doing about 25MPH and it brought that truck to a dead stop. Almost immediately after impact he fell out of the cab onto the ground and was rolling around. Most of us witnesses, were already chasing after him trying to get his attention about the dump box. But he obviously doesn't check his mirrors very often. I didn't know whether to laugh or be concerned. The truck and the bridge were unharmed. But the dumbass driver had some broken ribs from the impact with the steering column and here's the cool part. He knocked out a few of his teeth when his head collided with the steering wheel. But not only that, they were embedded into the heavy rubber coating on the steering wheel and I had to yank them out. I still have the dude's teeth in a little jar in my office. ...He didn't want them back.

I've got several other gems... Like the three fingers of one guy that got cut off on a chain hoist. We found two of them right away, but one seemed to be missing... Turns out I had to chase down Leonard, the black lab / hound dog mix who was our shop watch dog and take away his new chew toy. We threw them in a plastic cup and put them in the cooler in the back of my dad's truck and drove him to the ER. His fingers were successfully re-attached.

I've got plenty more, many of them people never believe.

[Dominique Grenier]

I've got plenty more, many of them people never believe.

C'mon! Don't tease us like this! Please do tell, so we don't believe it!

[Adrian Correia]

Jeff you are a sick bastard....more please.

[GlennChan]

That was fun and educational. More please.

[Steven M. Bailey]

You guys want Morbid

I have had sixty five stitches in my left hand from a run away skill saw, and seen more accidents than I can recall. As a contractor I have pulled several nails out of employee's hands thanks to nail guns. One guy nailed his index finger to his thumb through his thumbnail. Another laced all five knuckles together with a 16 penny galvanized gun nail(Good old Danny pulled that one out with his teeth).

The best one was my brother who hand drove a nail,(with a hammer), through an electrical box, through his finger and back into the electrical box. Convincing a grown man to hold still and look the other way while you yank a nail out of his hand with a pair of pliers is a blast.

Working in factories was the worst. One guy I worked with in a building block plant lost 9 fingers to a hydraulic press. He lost five the first time, his thumb and three fingers were re-attachable while his index finger just exploded. The index finger blew out the glove he was wearing and left a laser line of meat and blood on the rest of the machine. The plant manager freaked out and started screaming. He ran outside looking for his truck only to find it gone. He called the police and reported it stolen only to find that he had driven his car to work and not his truck. What a putz.

The guy with four and a half fingers on his right hand, slowly healing, comes back to work about five months later. Later claiming to have been using medical marijuana, he cuts off four more in the same machine. yeah he was a putz too.

I'm with Jeff. This isn't even the tip of the Ice berg. I have seen some really really stupid things.

They make for good stories and good scripts.

[Ace]

Great!

Can you imagine the pitch to the client..

"Now Imagine this.."

[Jeff Kilgroe]

Ok...

We were doing the site work for a new business park addition. I'm a little foggy on the exact details, I was 13 or 14 at the time. Anyway, we had the sewer lines laid and were ready to tie in the new sewer to the existing main. It was a 10" clay line and it just needed to be inserted through a wall of a concrete well (manhole access) and grouted into place. We punched the hole most of the way through from the outside, but wanted to finish from the inside to keep any large concrete chunks from falling into the sewer. Not a big deal, other than being a smelly job. However, the 24" main went right through this well and raw sewage was steadily flowing through about a foot deep. The well itself was about 10ft. deep with the usual access ladder rungs made of steel bar embedded in the concrete wall.

Anyway, the big decision between my father and the other couple employees there was they would block the in-coming sewage for 10 to 15 minutes to do what they needed. We checked up-stream and verified three other man-holes of equal size and several hundred feet between each. There should be plenty of room to hold any sewage being backed up. They were going to use a large innertube and a couple sandbags, stuffed into the incoming pipe, inflate the tube to hold the bags in place and the sewage back. This isn't an uncommon practice, in fact inflatable pipe-stoppers are real tools of the trade. But did we have one? No, just one innertube and a couple sandbags.

<I think you guys see what's coming... we did at the time, even joked about it possibly happening.>

My dad and one other guy went down the manhole with the innertube and two large sand bags. They threw the bags in place as I handed down an air hose. In a minute or so, they announced success and the one guy came up with the air hose. We handed down an 8lb hammer, bar with a chisel end, trowel, bucket of grout... Everything was going great and my dad was putting the finishing touch on his grout work and then - BANG! Sounded like someone shot off a gun down there and as I tried to peer down the hole, I instantly saw my dad scrambling up and out. His head just came up past the manhole ring when tons of sewage and pure shit came rolling out of the manhole. I remember standing there, just frozen, like I didn't believe what I was seeing. He yelled for us to help pull him out and the three of us up top grabbed him and drug him the rest of the way up. ...The backed up sewage had started to go down about the time he was pulling out of the manhole and it was pulling at him, besides it was a bit slippery. It sucked off one of his boots - never to be found again, same with all the tools he took down with him, the innertube and sandbags - gone.

But there he was, my dad, covered in shit from his eyeballs down and with only one shoe. Aside from the brown-tinged water, he had bits of corn and other small debris all over him, but the corn stood out the most. Corn in his ears, his hair, down his shirt, in his pants... Two or three tampons hanging off of him and one even ended up in his pocket. ...Toilet paper scraps, etc... He just stood there looking more pissed off than I had ever seen him. So we used the hose on the water truck to spray him off -- the equivalent of bathing with a fire hose. He had to ride home in the back of the truck, mom wasn't too pleased either. I think she made him take all his clothes off and just throw them in the trash.

Ah, good times... :sick:

[Steven M. Bailey]

Literally laughing my ass off.:w00t:

Reminds me of the time I was about the same age. My brothers and I were living in a tent while building a house with my parents. My brother went out of the tent to take a piss. He came back into the tent in a hurry with a pee trail from his zipper to his chin. In the dark he had pee'd on a skunk. The skunk sprayed back.

Whats better than fond memories of "what the hell was that?"

[Priyesh P.]

Jeez!!! That clip was tough. And those people have a problem with violent U.S.-movies ?

BTW, the voiceover talent of the forklift-video dubbed the german translation of starship troopers, he's THE MAN for narration of safety videos here.

edit: I've seen one of that guys of this movie years ago when I was passing the street! what a coincidence!

[CVB]

Wow Jeff... That sounds like something from a National Lampoons movie.

I have a really messy one, its second hand from my friend who was a metal worker at an auto plant a few decades ago...

At this particular auto plant they have these big 20 ton presses that make deep drawn bumper parts out of 1/16" steel plate and one day the machine went down due to a pin popping out of the tooling. This being a union shop the operator wasn't allowed to just reach in and fix the machine so the maintenance guy gets called and comes down to the shop floor to fix the machine. Now normally the guy would bring down a lockout box to place on the machine so no one can accidentally start up the machine while he works on it but since he was told that it was just a matter of popping a pin back in place he figured that it wasn't a big deal to just reach in and replace it. Well... he walks up to the machine and briskly reaches into the machine while talking to the operator and says "Don't press anything", after which the operator misinterprets as "press the thing". So the operator, not seeing whats going on away from view presses the cycle button and the machine does what it does best and proceeds to close on the maintenance guys arm reducing it to a splattered mess. He went into shock and the only thing he said before he passed out was "Thanks".

Gotta use those safety procedures.

[Ramesh Jai]

I was involved in this so it's true. No hearsay.

A dog bit my brother. I got angry. :angry02: Very angry. :angry02: :angry02: I must have been 6 or 7 years old. I chased the dog. Got hold of him and bit him in the leg. We never saw that dog again.

[Priyesh P.]

I was involved in this so it's true. No hearsay.

A dog bit my brother. I got angry. :angry02: Very angry. :angry02: :angry02: I must have been 6 or 7 years old. I chased the dog. Got hold of him and bit him in the leg. We never saw that dog again.

Jesus f.... christ. That's the most horrifying story I've ever heard.
I instantely had to throw up...it definately tops jeff's and the other's experiences...

Sorry Ramesh. Just kidding. (btw, you're in or from India, right?)

[Ramesh Jai]

Jesus f.... christ. That's the most horrifying story I've ever heard.
I instantely had to throw up...it definately tops jeff's and the other's experiences...

Sorry Ramesh. Just kidding. (btw, you're in or from India, right?)
I am originally from India but born and raised in Ghana, West Africa.

[TimothyD]

Here's one, nothing graphic, but maybe I will think of more later.

I used to hang out at a local arcade as a teenager a lot. There was a guy there who looked just like Shaggy from Scooby Doo, so that's what we called him. He was about as bright as Shaggy too...

Anyway, one day the cigarette machine (remember those) was broken and Shaggy was about to fix it. He had a 10 inch or so screwdriver and was about to shove it up into the machine when I started laughing my ass off and warned him that it would be too funny if he electrocuted himself...

So, he tells me to shut up and proceeds to stick the screwdriver into the machine (plugged in still) and of course, begins shaking violently. The store owner pulled him away from the machine, he was unconscious, but fine. When he woke up he looked at us laughing at him and asked what was so funny. What a douchebag...

[TimothyD]

Oh, here's another good one. Probably followed by more on a similar topic.

When I was a teenager a lot of us had Honda Spree's (1987 or so). A friend of mine had heard that if you connect a tube to a bottle of starter fluid and run it directly into the carb you could make it go much faster. So he does, and it does go faster, quite a bit faster... Anyway, he's clipping along out in the country, probably doing about 50, and all of a sudden BOOM, the engine seizes and he has to ghost ride the thing out into a corn field. When he gets up and dusts himself off, he goes over to take a look at the damage... The spark plug was sticking through the seat, and had almost impaled his ass. Needless to say, that was the end of his days of "modifying" mopeds.

[Ramesh Jai]

Ok. My first time on a plane. I am about 8 years old.

45 minutes into the flight I make my way to the bathroom. I open the door and am shocked. There's already a guy in there with a thermal mask over his head (to protect him from the cold). :whistling: In an instant I lower my eyes, say sorry and close the door. I wait patiently for him to finish.:whistling:

5 minutes and I am still waiting. The guy doesn't come out. Now this was a small plane and two other gentlemen join me in the queue. I meekly tell them that there was a guy in there.

10 minutes later the queue has grown to about seven very impatient people. Now I really want to go. Other people too are impatient. Suddenly one of them notices the VACANT sign on the bathroom door. He comes forward and looks at me. There's someone in there, I say. The man pushes the door and it opens.

I see the same man in a thermal mask in the bathroom. This time I continue looking at him. He looks so familiar I think to myself. Oh my God he looks like me. Hold on! It is me! My reflection! Now I remember! My mum had put on a thermal mask over my head while I was busy reading comics.

Yup... my first time on a plane. I couldn't even wee wee after that.:blush:

[Adrian Correia]

if I am planning a camping trip - Curt and Jeff are coming to tell stories around the camp fire.

[Steven M. Bailey]

if I am planning a camping trip - Curt and Jeff are coming to tell stories around the camp fire.

I'll bring the marshmallows and the graham crackers.:bleh: :biggrin:

[Priyesh P.]

I'll bring the marshmallows and the graham crackers.:bleh: :biggrin:
After all of this horror stories it's better to cut the crackers.
I mean, just remember what a simple pretzel did to the POTUS.
And now imagine what something called CRACKER could possibly do...

[Steven M. Bailey]

After all of this horror stories it's better to cut the crackers.
I mean, just remember what a simple pretzel did to the POTUS.
And now imagine what something called CRACKER could possibly do...

I googled pretzel and POTUS. How embarrassing. I must live in a cave.

I once followed a car that rear ended a cow. The cute little blond driver laid on the brakes but it wasn't quite enough. The small Honda civic took the legs out from under the bovine and it sat strait down on the hood. From behind, all I saw was the brake lights getting higher then the rear wheels coming off the ground When the cow got up it had left a giant steaming present on the hood as well as the biggest ass print dents I have ever seen. I felt bad at the time for the girl as she was crying her eyes out, and I tried to be consoling as possible.:waaa:

But I laughed all the way home.:biggrin:

[Júlio Taubkin]

Germans? Funny guys!

Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.

...Cracks me up.

[CVB]

Monty python rules..
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yff5Sp6bN6k

The dead parrot is a classic..
http://youtube.com/watch?v=2H6DSoqZz_s

[Priyesh P.]

I googled pretzel and POTUS. How embarrassing. I must live in a cave.

You learn something new everyday...
But the cow story is really funny! I try to imagine how the guy from breakdown service must have looked when he saw a car with his back up in the air and a heavy shitload on the front plus a crying blonde...


Germans? Funny guys!

Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.

...Cracks me up.

Whatever that means, I try to translate it (this is the max I could decipher):
If the nowpiece git and Slotermeyer? Yes! ... Beiherdog the or the flipperwood gersput.

[Adrian Correia]

I googled pretzel and POTUS. How embarrassing. I must live in a cave.

I once followed a car that rear ended a cow. The cute little blond driver laid on the brakes but it wasn't quite enough. The small Honda civic took the legs out from under the bovine and it sat strait down on the hood. From behind, all I saw was the brake lights getting higher then the rear wheels coming off the ground When the cow got up it had left a giant steaming present on the hood as well as the biggest ass print dents I have ever seen. I felt bad at the time for the girl as she was crying her eyes out, and I tried to be consoling as possible.:waaa:

But I laughed all the way home.:biggrin:


allright Steve is now offically part of the story crew. That is hilarious!