Thread: Film Set Jokes

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  1. #11  
    Moderator Martin Weiss's Avatar
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    How tall is a sound recordist?
    -I don’t know either. I’ve never seen one standing up.

    What do sound man’s children do for fun?
    -Watch other children play.

    How can you tell when a teamster is dead?
    -The doughnut falls out of his mouth.

    What was the last thing Jesus said to the Teamsters ?
    -”Don’t do anything ’till I come back.”

    What’s the difference between a producer and a coconut?
    -You can get a drink out of a coconut.

    How can you tell that a producer is lying?
    -He opens his mouth.

    What is the difference between a DP and God?
    -God doesn’t think he’s a DP

    How do you get the attention of four aspiring actors?
    -”Waiter!”



    EDIT: Link works again

    For more, see here: http://modifoo.com/category/film/crew-jokes/page/8
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  2. #12  
    Senior Member Shawn Booth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ayarbro View Post
    Q: Why do sound guys only count to 2? (testing, 1, 2, 1, 2...)

    A: Because you lift on 3....
    Sooo good. Thank you for this one.
    #994 - Cassavetes
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  3. #13  
    Moderator Evin Grant's Avatar
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    So... two grips are standing at the gates to heaven and are about to be ushered in by ol' St. Pete when a gruff guy with light meters on his belt busts past them into heaven.

    Grip 1: Man even here! all my life I've been cut in front of by DPs in the lunch line.

    Grip 2: Tell me about it, hey St. Peter, who is that DP anyway?

    St. Peter: Oh, that's not a DP that's god, he just thinks he's a DP!
    "All art is deception."

    My DP reel...
    http://www.evingrantdp.com
    360º Cinematography and camera rigs...
    http://www.360dop.com
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  4. #14  
    REDuser Sponsor Chris Parker's Avatar
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    Three hot female extras are on set.

    The first one says, "I am gonna fuck the Director. If I fuck him, he can get me bigger parts, and my acting career will take off."

    The second one says, "I am gonna fuck the DP. If I fuck him, he will light me so beautifully that I will look so good, my career will take off."

    The third says, "I am gonna fuck the sound guy."

    The other two say, "Why?"

    She says, "Cuz everyone is always saying, 'fuck the sound guy'."
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  5. #15  
    How can you tell the difference between a grip and an electrician?

    The electricians take the dishes out of the sink before they pee in it.
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  6. #16  
    Senior Member Leo Ticheli's Avatar
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    How many___ does it take to change a light bulb?

    Account Executive: "What do you think?"
    Art Director: "Does it have to be a light bulb?"
    Writer: "I'm not changing a damn thing!"
    Producer: "A light bulb is not in the budget!"
    Teamster: "Four; you got a problem with that?"

    Good shooting and best regards,

    Leo
    Leo Ticheli
    Director/Cinematographer
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  7. #17  
    Senior Member Peter Majtan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skipdivils View Post
    Three hot female extras are on set.

    The first one says, "I am gonna fuck the Director. If I fuck him, he can get me bigger parts, and my acting career will take off."

    The second one says, "I am gonna fuck the DP. If I fuck him, he will light me so beautifully that I will look so good, my career will take off."

    The third says, "I am gonna fuck the sound guy."

    The other two say, "Why?"

    She says, "Cuz everyone is always saying, 'fuck the sound guy'."
    This must be the best one so far... :) :) :)
    You don't need eyes to see, You need a vision!
    www.petermajtan.com - www.derylgroup.com
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  8. #18  
    Member Damon Meledones's Avatar
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    Overheard between shots...
    Script Supervisor: What's the footage?
    AC: Awesome!
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  9. #19  
    great thread!
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  10. #20  
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    How many directors does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: Just one more for safety, guys, I promise!
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